I just sat here and read my blog posts from over the last year and it’s been the same things. Being sad and emotional, being hopeful, being happy and then back to being sad. SMH. I deserve to be happy always! Right now I feel so many different things. In some areas of my life I’m extremely happy! I have so much to be thankful for and I am! But in other areas, the one I typically blog about- love, I am a complete and total ball of confusion! I thought reading old posts would let me figure out how I got here but it really only made me realize I been here this whole time! How do I get out of here? K’la said it best in “All your love” when she said “wish I could walk out of love, I don’t know which door I came in” It seems like the person who is feeling less is the happier person but when I feel anything I put my everything into it. So I’m never that person! I don’t really want to go in any more depth about my situation but needless to say, I am exhausted with it! I know what I want, but I just wish other people did! But, here it is, another post I can look back on and compare to a future feeling, but I hope the next time I’m looking back and saying wow, look how far I’ve come.

The man God designed for me
He is a man much like Jesus
Putting God first in all he does
Respect and kindness are of second nature
He is gentle yet strong and I will follow him
In me he knows he has found a true wife and he is grateful
All of those who see us will know we are blessed
When God designed me He had him already in mind
He told me if I seek Him, this man I shall too find
& I patiently await him

Holy is His name
He who draws out all pain
Cleanses my soul, makes me whole
Fills me up when I am in need
Purifies my thoughts & renews my mind
Lights my life & gives purpose to my being
He loves me despite of my transgressions
He is love
All glory & honor belong to Him
How unworthy are we of his grace & mercy?
Yet, He is still so faithful, never forsaking us
He who died at Calvary
My protector & provider
Holy is His name, Jehovah, my savior

I want kisses and cuddling and innocent fun. I’m tired of all relationships being about sex nowadays. No wonder no one can stay together. What happened to cute dates and monthaversaries? I want the type of relationship that is full of excitement and doing stuff like exploring or just going out and driving as far as you can one day. I want something different.

(Source: thecrazyfilipino, via missrysa)

I wanted to share what I have been learning through reading and through my mentor so that it might bless someone else. There is power in your thoughts! The devil is a patient liar, a deceiver. He starts planting negative thoughts in your head at a young age. He makes you think that these thoughts are normal. He tricks you into thinking that the things you here from God couldn’t be true. I am here to say that it is time that we renew our minds! Your thoughts affect your words and your words affect your actions because God has given us the power to speak things into existence. Mind the way you think! Focus on only thinking positive things, things that uplift you, encourage you, things that are good and fruitful. When you start hearing those negative thoughts say a prayer for God to help to renew your mind. God can’t use someone whose thoughts are holding them down. I want to be used! Lord free us from our worldly way of thinking so that Your light can shine in our lives and we can do Your work! Amen!

Love heals not hurts! With this new change in my life I’ve also let go of going after love that hurts because there is a greater love, Gods love, that heals! No, one cannot change the way they feel but you can make wise decisions not based off of your emotions. Whatever is meant to be will after all, if it is Gods will. So why be stressed, shed tears, or try and make things what you want them to be? I’ve finally realized that there will be no love more fulfilling than the love of Jesus! And if someone decides to love me that same way than that will be amazing. But until then I will be focusing on what’s positive, what’s encouraging, what doesn’t hurt, but heals and strengthens, and most of all what will never leave!

Over this last week I’ve truly been changed and I am happy for it! God is really dealing with me and making me the woman that He wants me to be. There have been a lot of things trying to discourage me but I won’t allow them to get to me. Just this morning I saw a lot of things that were hurtful… But I just brushed them off cuz I’ve already decided in my mind to let everything go and focus on myself and God and to trust Him completely. What I had planned for myself clearly hasn’t been working for me so it’s up to God now. People are so stuck on what could have been or what may be that they are ruining what IS. And I will not suffer anymore. I’ve deleted my twitter app off my phone because that’s one way the devil has been reaching and discouraging me. I just want to read the word and surround myself with positivity and whoever God sees fit to be in my life will be in it! I am valuable and important and won’t allow people to treat me as though I am not any longer. I have new reasons to smile, new reasons to live! Letting it all go!

People are under the impression that commitment is something that you just wake up one day and are ready for. I think that’s false. Think about how this generation has trouble committing to God… Everyone is like well I’m young so I have time to get right with God but right now I wanna have fun because He will always forgive me for my sins. But in reality God doesn’t like that attitude and committing to Him isn’t easy but through prayer and dedication it can be obtained. This is the same attitude I feel that people have with other relationships in life. People feel like they are going to be missing out on something by being with just one person. What are you really missing though? Especially if you have someone good already waiting for you. By refusing to change bad habits and just grow up n try something new, you can also hurt and push away someone who truly cared for you. Don’t get me wrong, no one should get into something they aren’t mature enough for, but at the same time…if you have someone waiting you have to make a conscious effort to work towards building something, not just play around and go by the notion that one day you’ll wake up and a flip will be switched and suddenly you’ll be ready for something real.

Last night God spoke directly on my situation through the elders at church as they prayed over me. They prayed that I forgive those who have hurt me, to be rid of oppressing spirits and depression, restore self-esteem, get past the pain I’ve been through… And a lot of other things that were specifically what Ive been dealing with awhile and they don’t even know me so I know it was God. As I exhaled and cried I felt things being drawn from within me. Things that have been inside of me for so long. I’m thankful for last night.

It’s scary loving someone after you’ve been broken time after time. You have a choice when you fall in love and it usually involves running the opposite way or letting someone hold your lifeline, the most fragile part of your entire being- your heart. That person also has a choice. They can be gentle with your heart, loving it in return and protecting it from harms way or they can neglect it, roughly carrying it around like it’s a mere toy. The worst thing that could happen is that they completely drop it and it shatters. Momentarily you’ll feel like its the end and death is upon you, but wait! God will surely come and pick up your heart, molding it and healing it until its complete again, and even stronger than before! Then the choice will arise again…to love or to run…to place your heart in the hands of another again or to hold it yourself because you know you won’t hurt yourself. It’s all so scary… But eventually we all have to step out on faith… Here is my heart… I give it to you…

• Communicate: Talk about things, the good and bad.
• Build trusts
• Be honest
• Be faithful
• Be there for one another.
• Make time for one another.
• Leave the past to the past, which include ex’s.
• Know that having arguments are normal.
• Know that you won’t always be happy.
• Don’t expect change.
• Appreciate the flaws.
• Appreciate each other.
• Become best friends.
• Lastly, love each other unconditionally.

(Source: cuanonymous, via beaut-bliss)